Santana's Not Afraid
by TeenageDreamer307
Summary: Santana and Rachel have been dating in secret, keeping up appearances and everything at McKinley. But what happens when Rachel can take no more of Santana's act? Santana/Rachel Pezberry


The rhythmic click-clacking of Santana's heels echoed through the halls as she made her way down the halls of McKinley. She knew how to silence a room: simply be seen. She was Santana Lopez afterall, aka Head Bitch In Charge. She had power. She got respect. Quinn may have been head Cheerio, but she had McKinley High wrapped around her finger. Girls feared her. Guys wanted her. But her heart already belonged to someone.

"Move." she growled to a group of sophomores in the center of the hall. The girls scattered like mice from the Latina and she strutted a path through the hall. She joined the other cheerleaders gathered around Quinn's locker, which was the morning meeting place for the Cheerios now. Brittany smiled at her and Quinn acknowledged her with a nod.

"Hey, S." Brittany smiled. The younger Cheerios knew better than to say anything; Santana was annoyed by just the sound of their voices, and they did _not_ want to piss her off.

"Hey, B." Santana replied, linking her pinky with the blonde's. "What's up?" Quinn decided to cut in the conversation and shot the pair a look.

"Haven't seen you at practice in two weeks, Santana." she voiced. She leaned against her locker. "Where you been?"

"That's none of your business, Tubbers." Santana said defensively, folding her arms. "I've been busy. What's it to you?" Quinn made a sour face and waved the younger cheerleaders away with a flick of her hand to focus on the Latina. They left, showing how much authority the cheerio uniform had in this school.

"How are you and your lady friend doing, S?" Brittany asked cheerily. The other Cheerios knew Santana was a lesbian, but it seemed the rest of the school didn't. Even the younger ones had heard rumors about it from time to time, but were too afraid to ask the fiery-spirit if they were true since the last guy that asked went missing a day later.

"Doin' fine, Britt." Santana answered shortly. "Never better."

"Aww, I'm so happy for you, Santana!" Brittany giggled. "I bet she's the cutest thing ever! When can we meet her?" Santana shrugged.

"You'll meet her when you meet her, Britt-Britt." she told her. "Someday." Brittany nodded and held her bestie's hand.

"Okay, S. I'm gonna meet Artie at his locker so I can push him around before class." she said.

"Kay. Me and Q gotta bounce, too." Santana replied. Brittany kissed the girl on the forehead and smiled.

"Bye, S. Bye, Q." she said. The other cheerios waved goodbye and set off in the other direction. Quinn stared at Santana as they walked, causing the Latina to look at her curiously.

"What?" she asked. Quinn narrowed her eyes and put her hands in the pockets of her letterman jacket.

"So you _were_ with her." Quinn sighed. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Yeah, I was. So what?" Santana scoffed. "I didn't know it was a crime to spend time with my girlfriend, Fabray."

"How long do you think you can keep this up, S?" Quinn asked. "The new Cheerios are talking about your 'mystery woman' no one's ever seen you with-" She frowned."And you know how fast gossip travels at this school, especially through us."

"You're worried about those brats?" Santana laughed. "I've got a rep for keeping those wannabes in _line_. I can handle them."

"Maybe so, but-"

"Easy, Quinn. I gots this, mmkay?" Santana said cockily, closing her eyes. "Rachel understands-" She felt a small figure bump into her and she instinctively sent the other girl to the ground. The dark-haired girl opened her eyes and Quinn let out a silent gasp at who it was. None other than the great Rachel Berry. Her books had scattered over the floor and her tiny frame was laying awkwardly on the ground.

"Hey Midget, watch where you're going!" the dark-haired cheerio hissed, causing the onlookers to laugh. Rachel looked up at her girlfriend with embarassment and she picked up her things. Quinn frowned at her friend and helped the little brunette up.

"Get your asses out of here." she ordered to all the onlookers. They hesitantly dispersed one by one until she shouted at them, "I said now!" the hall cleared and Quinn dusted her best friend off.

"You okay, Rachel?" she asked. The hallway was pretty much empty and she expected Santana to apologize. She didn't.

"I'm fine." Rachel murmured softly, clutching her belongings to her chest and speeding away. Quinn sighed as she watched her leave and turned to Santana with a glare.

"What's up with the angry eyes, dude?" Santana asked. Quinn rolled her eyes and let out a huff.

"You're hurting her, Santana." she said quietly. "Everyday you play this game with her."

"What are you going on about?" Santana frowned. "What game?"

"The one where you're the cold, heartless bitch who doesn't give a damn about Rachel at school but when you two are alone, you're all over her." Quinn said coldly. As the small singer's best friend, Rachel told her everything.

"Quinn, I'm pretty damn sure I don't need relationship advice from the girl who got herself knocked up by Puckerman last year." she scowled harshly, making the blonde flinch a little. "Me and Rachel are fine. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I can see it in her eyes, Santana." Quinn frowned. "And if you opened yours, maybe you would, too. Rachel's one of the best actors that have ever come into McKinley; don't you think she could hide it if she wanted to?" Santana's mouth opened, but no words came out. Quinn had a point.

"Talk to her later." Quinn said. "I gotta go." Santana stood there, on the brink of realization when the bell rang and crashed her thoughts.

"Fabaray doesn't know what she's talking about." she grunted.

Santana hadn't seen Rachel all day, but knew where she would be: choir room. As she neared the room, the sound of a singing piano grew louder and louder. Santana stood in the doorway and looked around. The room was empty, except for a purple piano and a football player and small brunette behind it. Rachel was practicing "Jar of Hearts" for a new solo and got so involved in her work, she didn't notice the Latina when she came in. Santana walked to the piano and stood over Rachel for a while before clearing her throat. Finn watched her curiously and looked back at Rachel, who hadn't moved.

"Ahem?" Santana said, crossing her arms. Rachel stopped playing and looked up at the much taller girl.

"Can I help you with something, Santana?" she asked crossly. This made Santana frown and even Finn frowned a little. The Latina put her hands on her hips and huffed.

"What's with the 'tude, RuPaul?" she asked.

"Hey Santana, be nice." Finn spoke up. "Rachel wasn't doing anything to you."

"Was I talkin' to you, Frankenteen?" Santana spat. The boy shrunk back at her tone Rachel's expression didn't change as she turned around to face her girlfriend.

"Don't be mean to Finn." she said. "I was busy rehearsing and he was aiding me. _You_ interrupted _me_."

"So what?" Santana shot back.

"So that means you must want something or require my assistance." Rachel told her, her tone never-changing. "What do you want?" Santana's expression softened at Rachel's irritation. Her arms dropped to her sides and the girls held eye contact. The Latina saw a mix of anger, betrayal, and confusion in the brunette's eyes.

"I s-should uh, go." Finn stammered. The tension coming from the two girls was heavy. "See you later, Rachel."

"Goodbye, Finn." Rachel said.

"Get lost, Twinkletoes." Santana mumbled. He got up awkwardly and walked out of the room, but neither girl broke eye contact to watch him leave.

"Okay, so what's up with you?" Santana asked. Rachel sighed and turned around.

"Why do you care?" she responded dejectedly, gathering her music from the piano. "I wouldn't expect you to understand, anyway." Santana frowned as Rachel got up and sulked away from her.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Santana questioned defensively, following Rachel closely. The soprano stopped in her tracks and looked down.

"If you knew, we wouldn't be having this conversation Santana." she muttered. She rolled her eyes with a groan. "But whatever. I have somewhere to be." She made her way out of the choir room, leaving a confused cheerio behind her. Something clicked in Santana's brain and her feet started moving again. She trailed the New Directions' most enthusiastic member and found her putting things away in her locker.

"What was that?" Santana asked. Her voice was much gentler than before. "So now you just walk away from me like that, Rachel?" Rachel said nothing and slammed her locker shut. She stared at it and avoided her girlfriend's gaze.

"Dammit, don't ignore me." Santana whispered, leaning against the other lockers. "Rach?" Rachel's eyes darted up to meet hers and Santana caressed her cheek with one hand.

"So, _now_ I'm Rach?" Rachel said. "I'm not Midget or Man-Hands or RuPaul or-"

"Baby, stop it." Santana whispered, coming closer. She looked around nervously before kissing the other girl's forehead. "You know I don't mean any of that." When she took a step back, Rachel had silent tears running down her face.

"It still hurts to hear day after day, Santana." Rachel sighed.

"You know I just say those things as an act," Santana told her. "Like you said. . . it's for them. You know I'm not like this."

"But I can't tell the difference anymore!" she frowned. "I used to think you were just being convincing, but I can't tell if you mean the names you call me or what."

"Rach, you know I'd never hurt you like that." the Latina frowned back. Rachel shook her head.

"Then what are you doing now?" she cried softly. "Santana, I can't take this anymore. One minute you love me, the next you're in Queen Bitch mode and treat me like I'm worthless." It hurt Santana to hear her girlfriend call her a bitch; she knew her better than anyone else did and Rachel was the only one who thought there was a good person inside her. Except Brittany.

"You are _not_ worthless, Rach." Santana cooed. She held the smaller brunette's face in her hands. "I love you, you _know_ that." Rachel shook her head sadly.

"No. . ." Rachel frowned. "I don't think I do." Santana's heart dropped and she frowned deeply.

"Rach. . . you honestly can't believe I don't love you. . . right?" she asked. Rachel said nothing. "Rach, Baby-"

"Just stop it!" Rachel's cry exploded. "God, if you really loved me, you wouldn't hide me away like I was your dirty little secret, Santana! I have feelings, too. And even though you act like you're this untouchable person made of stone, I know you have feelings for me, too." Her voice started breaking as she added, "You've shown me so much of you."

"I do, Rach." Santana said, holding the smaller girl close to her. "Please, calm down."

"I can't." Rachel sobbed. She pushed away from Santana's embrace, which hurt both girls. "I don't want to be mad at you but I can't let you walk over me like this, Santana. Maybe. . ." She trailed off and shut her locker.

"Maybe what?" Santana asked.

"Maybe Quinn was right. Maybe we're not ready for this." she said sadly.

"Quinn doesn't know anything about us!" Santana protested. "We've made it work for this long."

"But I don't want to just 'make it work', San." Rachel explained. "I want that fairytale romance, I want the flowers and cheesy speeches and romantic gestures that make me totally and completely melt for you. I want us to be as open as the next couple-" The pained look in Rachel's eyes broke Santana's heart. "I don't want you to be afraid of loving me."

"But I do love you, Rachel!" Santana argued. "I'm not afraid, and I'd do anything to prove I care about you."

"Would you sing our song?" Rachel asked. Santana tilted her head in confusion.

"What? Now?"

"Would you sing our song to me in front of everyone in Glee club?" she clarified. Santana thought about it for a moment.

"Do you want me to?" It wasn't the response Rachel wanted.

"Would you pick me up if I fell beside you in the hallway?" she asked stiffly.

"Rach, I'm really sorry about that." Santana apologized quickly. "I was just-"

"Would you tell your dumb cheerio friends to stop bullying me?" Rachel said, on the verge of tears. "Or stand up to them when they do?"

"Of course I would, Rachel." Santana answered. "I'd flatten any one of them if they lay a finger on you." Rachel blinked and the tears streamed down her face.

"Would you kiss me during school? Right here where everyone could see?" she asked, spreading her arms out into the vast empty hall. "No more stories, no more hiding, just you and me. The truth." Santana was speechless. She wanted nothing more than to tell her yes and end this whole thing. But the truth is, she still was afraid. Terrified. She was afraid of the looks they would get, the whispers behind their backs, of what people would think and how much it would anger them. Rachel's heart broke at the silence and she gave up.

"I can see you don't wanna talk about this anymore, Santana." Rachel sighed. "You win, okay? I'm tired and I don't have time to deal with this. I'm going home." She turned her back and strutted down the hall.

"What? But what about-"

"Mercedes is giving me a ride." she called back without turning around. "Call me when you can give me an answer." Santana's shoulders slumped and she frowned. She always drove Rachel home so they could make-out after school. At least, that was her excuse at first, but she really liked the alone time with Rachel. It had been getting harder and harder to find some time to themselves, and now. . . that was almost impossible. Especially since Rachel was pissed at her.

"Shit." she mumbled as her girlfriend- possibly ex girlfriend now- walked away.

Rachel let a few more tears fall before reaching Mercedes' car in the parking lot. The two divas locked eyes and Mercedes knew what was wrong.

"Come on, Girl." she said, opening the door for the smaller diva. "The first step to solving your problem is talking about it."

"If only she thought so, too." Rachel sighed, getting in. Mercedes got in the driver's seat and the doors shut. "I really appreciate you doing this for me, Mercedes. You're a good friend." Mercedes gave her a nod as they drove off the lot.

"Anytime Rachel, but. . . what did she do to you?" she asked softly. Rachel leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes as the glass cooled her forehead.

"Broke my heart." And the car was silent for the rest of the trip.

**.oOo.**

Santana sped home with an urgency. Her knuckles had turned white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly and probably wouldn't return to their normal color for three weeks. She left skid marks on the driveway that she was sure she'd hear about later but jumped out the car and went up to her room. She was the only one home. Once she was behind her door, her safe place, she let her walls downs and sunk to the ground. Tears filled her eyes as she scrolled through her messages and found the last one Rachel sent her:

_San. . . baby I love you, but I can't figure you out. Why can't you be honest with them? Are you not happy with me? I don't want to hurt you, but you have to realize that you're hurting me too._ _I just don't know what to do anymore because it seems like nothing I do is working._ _I think...I think we should break up_

Santana's phone dropped as she finished reading and she let her frustration out.

"God I'm stupid!" she growled. "What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm losing the greatest thing to ever come into my life just because I don't have the balls to kiss her in public! I'm a coward, a _fucking_ coward." Wait.

"Hold the phone. Santana Lopez is a lot of things, but she is not a fucking coward." she sniffled. "I pummel cowards into the ground." She got up and cleaned herself off. "I'm not going down like that. I'm so much more than that." She went to the closet and pulled out her street clothes, stripping free of the cheerio uniform. "Now I just have to prove it to Rachel." She smirked at an idea and prayed it worked. "I'm not giving up my Babygirl that easily."

**.oOo.**

"Rach, come on. Please don't cry anymore." Quinn pleaded on the other end of the line. The diva was crying and looking at a framed picture of her and Santana.

"Sorry Quinn, I can't help it." she apologized. "I broke up with her this afternoon a couple hours after I got home."

"It was for the best, right?" Quinn said, earning an unseen nod from her friend. "You knew Santana wasn't the most stable person when you got yourself into this. What about the thing with Britt? She's not good with relationships and feelings and stuff."

"It still hurts." Rachel sighed. "And Santana explained the thing with Britt was just a fling. We were in love, Q. I'm still in love with her, but she obviously doesn't-"

"Rach?" Santana called from the other side of her bedroom door. Rachel was quieter than a church mouse as she heard a knock at her door. "Rachel, I know you're in there."

"Rachel, listen to me," Quinn said. "Whatever you do, do not open that door-" Rachel ended the call but remained silent.

"Rachel. . . okay, I get it. You're pissed at me right now, but you have every right to be." Santana sighed. "I know I've been a really shitty girlfriend and you deserve so much better from me. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I don't want you to be mad at me anymore. I don't want you to feel like I hate you. There's honestly no one I love more on this earth than you, Rachel Barbara Berry." Rachel was listening intently on the other side but Santana felt like she was losing her.

"When we first started dating, I wondered everyday why you put up with me." she continued. "You're this miniature-angel with a voice and body to match while I'm this this insecure, temperamental bitch. I was afraid. I'm still afraid, but not because of what you think. I'm afraid that if we come out to the school, you'll get hurt, Rach. Coming from the Queen herself, those kids are horrible. You know what happened to Kurt at McKinley. . . I don't want that to happen to either of us, especially you.

"I know you can take care of yourself and you could get away from it, you could move, but you belong here with me. I'm also afraid that . . . if we come out as a couple, there'll be a million people chasing after you." Santana said. "You know how jealous I can be, and let's face it; you're fucking hot under all the goofy sweaters. I was just the first to notice." Rachel chuckled softly and smiled at the door, considering opening it.

"I want you. I don't even think it's selfish to wanna hide you away from the world and keep you to myself." the Latina confessed. "I hate that you feel like you're a dirty little secret Rach, but you're my greatest treasure and I don't wanna share you. But. . . if sharing you with McKinley and the world means I can be with you forever, then I'll do it. I'll stop being afraid. I'll hold your hand when I walk you to all your classes. I'll sing you 'When I Get You Alone' until my face turns purple and even Sue Sylvester knows the lyrics-" She put a hand against the door. "I'll kiss you unafraid, no matter where we are, til you beg me to let you go."

The door opened and a smiling Rachel appeared.

"You know I'd never tell you to let me go." she smiled, leaning against the door frame. Santana smiled back.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just that good." she smirked. Rachel rolled her eyes playfully and Santana held up her hand. She was holding a single lily.

"For mi estrella." she said softly. "It's your favorite, right?" Rachel smiled and took the flower.

"Yes, San." she sighed dreamily. She held the lily to her chest. "You remembered." Santana did a sideways smile the brunette thought was adorable on her.

"Of course I did." Santana told her. "I can't forget a single thing about you, Rachel. I love you." Rachel stepped into the Latina and hugged her.

"I love you too, San. So damn much." she confessed. The cheerio thought it was sexy when Rachel cursed. She moved her hands down the brunette's back and left a kiss on the top of her head.

"And how much would that be?" she smirked devilishly. Rachel laughed and pulled back; Santana held her hips with a slightly lustful possession. "Enough to kiss me?" Rachel leaned up and the taller girl leaned down for a passionate lip-lock. Santana pulled back with a satisfied smirk, denying Rachel another kiss.

"Awww, only one?" Rachel whined, taking steps backwards into her room. Santana followed, keeping her hands on her girlfriend's hips, just like Rachel wanted her to. She walked backwards until they were near the bed. "I know there's more up your sleeve than that, San."

"I just wanted you to kiss me." Santana admitted innocently. "I actually don't have an ulterior motive this time, honest." Rachel knocked her girlfriend off balance with a quick step backwards, making her land on the bed.

"So, does that mean no make-up sex?" she pouted, crawling over and straddling her waist. Santana laughed at her eagerness and ran her fingers through the smaller girl's hair.

"Well someone's missed sexy time with Santana." she teased.

"Why don't we fix that?" Rachel chuckled. The Latina brought Rachel's lips to hers and switched their positions. Rachel bit her lip and let out a low moan.

"San. . ." the excited whimper escaped her lips. Santana kissed the tip of Rachel's nose and moved down to a spot on her neck.

"Baby. . ." San whispered on her skin. She pulled up and looked down at Rachel. "Don't be mad but all I want to do is kiss and cuddle tonight. I just wanna lay here with you." Rachel couldn't help but smile at her girlfriend's intimate side.

"That sounds perfect, San." she grinned, running her hands over Santana's back. The taller girl kissed her forehead before laying down to snuggle next to her.

.oOo.

After hours of making up by making out, Rachel's head was on Santana's chest and the Latina was stroking her hair.

"Mi estrella?" the dark-haired girl called. Rachel's eyes were almost closed.

"Wha?" she mumbled lowly, nuzzling into her girlfriend's chest. Santana smiled because she recognized the sleepiness in her voice. She left a kiss on the top of her head and Rachel sighed contently.

"Bebe...sueno." she told her.

"But Saaaan!" Rachel whined. "I'm not-" A huge yawn erupted from the singer. "I'm not tired...I don't wana go to sleep."

"Yes you are, and yes you do." Santana teased. She stroked the smaller girl's head again and earned a quiet, satisfied moan. "I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," Rachel smiled as her eyes closed. "I know." Santana reached over to turn off the lamp on Rachel's nightstand, trying not to disturb her. The smaller brunette gave the Latina a loose hug and Santana held her close.

"Goodnight, Rach." she said softly. She could feel the rhythmic breathing of the sleeping star as her chest rose and fell. Santana reached for the nightstand and fumbled for the phone in the dark. She managed to punch in a number and held it up to her ear.

"Rachel?" Quinn answered. "What are you doing up so late?"

"It's me, Q." Santana spoke. "And Rach is sleeping."

"Santana, you have a lot of nerve hurting Rachel the way you did and showing up to her house and thinking that makes it all better-"

"Listen, I know I screwed up big time but I'm fixing it. Swear." Santana cut in. "But I need your help with something."

"What do you need me for?"

"Make sure all the Glee club is there tomorrow. And I need Rachel in the room when I come in..." she instructed. She rested her head on top of Rachel's. "I'm gonna make things right, but I need a few backup singers..." Quin thought about it and laughed on the other line.

"She's gonna kill you once she figures out what you're up to, you know that right?" she laughed. "I mean Rachel almost died when you tried to sing "your song" in front of just _me_." Santana smirked.

"Yeah she might kill me later, but I promise you she's gonna love it tomorrow."

"Why is tomorrow so special?" Quinn asked.

"Tomorrow's the first day of the real Santana at McKinley." Santana told her. "Now Imma still be top badass and all, just...not as much of an ass."

"As much?" Quinn laughed. "Damn, Rachel's in for one hell of a time."

"We both are." Santana grinned, kissing Rachel's head.

"I'm in."

"Thanks, Q." This was the start of a very Pezberry year.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey everybody! :D I know I haven't updated in forever and I'm sooooo super duper sorry but I've been so busy and then I haven't been as inspired lately. I'm trying to update everything and publish the stories I'd been working on, but I don't know...something about them doesn't give me the same feeling they used to :P Maybe it's just me though 'cause I'm a bit of a perfectionist lol please review, ya'll! :) let me know what you think of my first Pezberry ('cause it may not be my last... ;D) Happy New Year!<strong>


End file.
